crystal lindell
Crystal Lindell

So, ya, the world is probably, maybe, kind of going to end in about 36 hours, give or take 12 hours.

All the hoopla about the Mayan calendar has made me wonder if this could be my very last candy column ever. On the upside, this could be my last candy column ever — so I can write whatever the heck I want. Hmmm.

How about some confessions?

1. Sometimes I do wonder whether candy is causing the obesity epidemic. I know, shock, awe, disbelief, not possible. But, I mean, I get that saturated fats are really bad for us, and that we’re eating way more of those than sugar, but come on? It’s not as though chocolate is calorie-free. Even a dark chocolate candy bar can have as many calories as a meal or sometimes two meals. And hard candies are usually loaded with your entire daily allotment of sugar, which only makes you crave more sugar. Don’t get me wrong, I love candy. And I want everyone to love candy. But it’s never going to be a health food. Banning it isn’t the answer, but people really need to take a common-sense approach to what and how much of it they eat.

2. I’m 20-something (at least until Aug. 23, 2013) and I never pay more money for organic or all-natural foods. I just don’t understand the benefits enough I suppose. My choice to stick to chemically covered groceries is made despite the fact that popular culture believes organic and all-natural foods are important to my demographic. The problem is, because I’m still technically a 20-something, I don’t have gobs of extra money laying around to spend on organic tomatoes. I wish I could afford to buy all my groceries at Whole Foods. I really do. But even if I had the money, I’d probably just use it for clothes instead of upgrading my candy bar to a version made with organic sugar.

3. I work for a print publication, but I’m genuinely starting to believe print media will not exist in about five years (you know, assuming the world doesn’t end). Of course, my boss, Editor-in-Chief Bernie Pacyniak, holds a contrary opinion because he’s old-school. Personally, I already read all my news on my phone or my laptop, and once I figured out how to seal my phone in a Ziplock bag so I could read Slate and Time while taking a bath, all need for paper was lost. Once tablets sell for $50, I believe others will feel the same way about dead trees. That doesn’t mean media in general will die off, obviously. It just dramatically impacts how we’re delivering content to our readers. The focus has to shift to prioritizing the web over the print magazine. And of course, it means advertisers have to come to appreciate the fact that our website gets more than 40,000 page views a month, and thus the ads on the site are incredibly valuable.

4. I don’t like the taste of ginger. I mean, if you send me some coated in chocolate, I’ll try it, but it tastes too, umm, “beneficial” to me, like it should be in a vitamin, not a candy. And while we’re on the topic of flavors I don’t love, I’m not a fan of black licorice either. Although Editor-in-Chief Bernie Pacyniak loves the stuff, so feel free to send him some.  

5. I’m still pessimistic about the industry ever changing U.S. sugar policy. The big farmers are too powerful, the issue doesn’t seem to resonate with consumers (a.k.a. voters) and people have been trying to change it for decades with no success. My advice: annex Mexico and Canada.  

So there you have it — my deepest, darkest confessions. Now, either I’ve said all I have to say with no consequences, or I get to wake up Saturday morning. Either way, I’m happy. And of course, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all (assuming we make it until then!).